Thursday, July 01, 2010

Nesting Pregnant Woman, Stage 1

So, April, What'd you do this morning?
Well, B slept in, that was nice. We made some Blues Clues signs and posted them throughout the house. (Pretty normal right.) 10:00. Still in my PJs. I looked up and saw the chandalier... old, crappy. Thought, "Hey, I have a better one up in the attic"..... NEVER send a 4.5 month pregnant woman up in the attic!!!

It's cloudy outside, so the temperature was actually reasonable up there. But that chandalier---- No where to be found up in that place. This place was so crammed, I could barely manage to stand at the top of the stairs. I saw ONE old, empty box from years ago..... HOLY CRAP, PRegnant woman turns NESTING Pregnant woman and goes Ape-shit on the attic! One box leads to like 100. I'm just throwing them out of the attic and down the staircase at lightning fast speeds. I gave B fair warning... It was gonna be raining boxes and it WAS! 10 min later, Ian came out of his refuge of safety (his room) and says, "I'm trapped mom. I can't get out of my room. " I look down, the entire stairway and the passage to the attic were 4 foot high with boxes. "Ahh Crap. Now, How do I get out of here?" (I took a picture--- you've gotta see it.) So I managed to throw a few overboard to make a small trail through the impenetrable fortress I had unknowingly created. I thought, "Wow. I can't breathe." (Apparently the insulation up in the attic was getting to my lungs.) "I need to get a drink." So I guzzle some lemonade, and realize that I've gotta get this stuff out to the curb.

So I start hauling this stuff out. That's right.... Still in my PJs. So I don't even bother to put on a bra. Crazy Ape-Shit Nesting Pregnant Girl is on a roll. Ian, still stranded at the top, has decided that his fortress of solitude is actually pretty cool. I get like 1/2 of the stuff out there and it starts to sprinkle. I thought, "Those trash guys are never gonna take this GInormous pile of Dave's unending desire for empty boxes if they are soaked" So I find the original plastic that our 8.5 year old queen sized bed came in and start loading these boxes in there. They wrapped it good, so there are 2 HUGE plastic bags.

I have them 3/4 of the way loaded (about 75 boxes) and it starts POURING. But Crazy, Now Ravenous-to-get-this-task-completed Nesting Pregnant Chica is incapable of taking a break! I just keep hauling them out. Well, suddenly, my stomach decided it didn't like the attic's insulation either... So Pregnant, Bra-less, PJ shrouded, soaking wet woman starts hurling in the bushes.

Then, if that weren't enough... my bladder decides to get in on the game. Apparently I didn't look pathetic enough! I was puking so hard, I peed my pants! And of course, stomach thinks this is funny, so it decides that 4-5 rounds of this thing was the best choice. By the time I was done hurling, the entire contents of my bladder had soaked my otherwise lovely self!

But who cares???? I only had a few boxes left!!! And it was raining, so who would know??? So warmly soaked, crazy, braless, nesting pregnant woman finished the job! I couldn't be prouder!

6 comments:

  1. Ok you win that is the funniest nesting story ever!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yikes!

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  2. Oh my oh my oh my ... yes I agree with Angela .. funniest nesting story on the planet... I'm sure it wasn't fun to live through, Apes you're superwomen!

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  3. Let me reiterate: uhh

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  4. Aaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahhahahahahahahahaahahahahahah
    breathe.....ahahahahahahahaahahahahahahahahaahahahhahahahahahahaha....breathe aaaaaaaaaahhhhh...ah..ah ah aaa...ok i'm good.

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  5. Anonymous09:00

    LOL That is the funniest story I have ever heard. I wish that was on film that would be great in a movie


    Sami George

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