Monday, September 12, 2005

Passing through the veil

I think there are just a few experiences in life that are very much like passing through the veil--you really have no clue what life will be like on the other side--- you just plunge forward with faith. I have passed through at least 2 thus far (although I could probably add another one or two)... my mission and marriage. They are both experiences that you hear about your whole life and even dream about, but really and honestly cannot fathom what life is like on the other side. I remember before my mission. It was really all I could think about. I must have spent hundreds of hours thinking and preparing- mentally, spiritually, and physically. When it all came down to it- I was crossing into a life that was completely unlike any I have experienced before or since. One with a unique culture, thought process, opportunity for learning- with joys and pains that are different than anything else on earth. It was nothing like I had imagined, but yet it had a few similarities. (I'm speaking of the missionary experience, not Las Vegas- although Vegas is definitely unique.)

Getting married was another "crossing through the veil" experience. Only, I must admit, I was MUCH less prepared for this one. I remember clearly 2 days before getting married- staring ahead at a blank wall- I couldn't for the life of me fathom, or even imagine what life would be like 3 days ahead. Fortunately/ unfortunately, I had been in a singles ward my entire adult life and literally knew NO ONE who had "crossed over". I knew there was almost no aspect of my life that would stay the same- where I lived, my ward, my friends, everything I understood. But I had no idea what all the changes would mean. Anyone who knew me then knows I didn't go gracefully through the veil. I went kicking and screaming each step of the way. Had I only been able to glance at the other side- I'd have been leaping through- but that's just cause I know now what it's like to be married to Dave. The guy is amazing- I had no idea just how lucky I was.

For me, this is another veil-like experience. Only this one I feel alot more comfortable with. I have no idea what life will be like in three weeks, but I'm ok with that. I realize that I have no idea how to be a parent, but I'm ok with that too. I've had some good preparation along the way- and I don't need all the answers. But, my thoughts are completely monopolized. Physically, life is only reasonably busy at this time. But mentally and emotionally--- all booked up. We are fully loaded over here. I just slowly and deliberately prepare for Ian while trying to take care of myself physically. But other than that- I just want things to be quiet and still. Life is rushing forward at a loud and busy pace- I'm happy for my immediate environment to be calm.

I think some people just don't get it... I am having a baby in 3 weeks. I have three priorities in life: 1. Surviving my work day gracefully, 2. Preparing for/ dreaming about our little boy, and 3. Dave. (Definetly not in any specific order.) Other than that I just don't really care!!! Apparently, I am the Enrichment committee's project- they are always giving me a job just so I will come. I don't think they understand- I don't really care if I go or not. Honestly, my body is consuming almost all of my resources. I'm still working full time until Ian comes. I come home and crash. What bursts of energy I do have go to Dave and Ian preparation. Other than that, I feel no great need to be superwoman.

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